Feeling Jealous in Polyamory is OK!
The polyamorous community is always telling folks to "work on their jealousy" and that's valid. But if a partner is actually deprioritising you, neglecting you, not communicating with you, or even abusing you, jealousy is a 100% rational response. Not everything is a you problem -sometimes it's your relationship!
The idea that jealousy is something that you need to completely eliminate from your system in order to be successful at polyamory is one of the most damaging misconceptions I’ve ever seen. It silences and invalidates people who are experiencing extremely distressing, toxic, and even abusive situations that ANYONE would feel jealous about, and turns it into an “insecurity” issue when it literally isn’t.
When I’m working on jealousy with peer support clients, I often ask them about the external and internal factors contributing to the situation. It’s often a bit of both, but the most important thing is that the feelings exist and it’s more important to figure out what you do with them rather than shame yourself for experiencing them. You can do this!
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