Polyamorous Single People Don’t Get Taken Seriously
Me, polyamorous: "I'm single right now, but I want a polyamorous relationship, and you need to be okay with that to date me."
Them, monogamous: "We don't need to worry about that right now, we're both single and this is casual!"
Sound familiar?
When I was polyamorous and single, I found people took me far less seriously because I didn’t already have a romantic partner. They assumed that I was just casually dating until I found the one, even when I repeatedly stated that I was intending on having and keeping multiple partners long-term. Of course, people still don’t take me seriously when I already have a partner, but it’s really important to assert your boundaries and expectations clearly, and don’t date people who don’t take you for your word.
If a monogamous person can be single and still identify as monogamous, why is it so hard to accept that a polyamorous person who has one/no partners is still polyamorous?
You do not have to have multiple partners at every single stage of your polyamorous journey. It is okay to take a break from dating, it is okay to just focus on one partner for a period of time, it is okay to take time to heal from a breakup, it is okay to be single and to enjoy being single. You are still polyamorous.
Polyamory is not just something you do, it is something you are. I’m not here to get into whether it’s an identity or a choice (I think it can be both) - but it is definitely a mindset and approach that is fundamentally different to monogamy. A polyamorous person dates in a polyamorous way, and at no point do they behave in a monogamous way, in terms of dating intentions, structure, and many other things besides.
Also, let’s be real, dating new people is exhausting. I completely understand why people would want to take a break from that stuff sometimes.
How has your current relationship status affected your dating experiences as a polyamorous person?
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