Tips for when You Feel Tempted to go Back to a Life You Know You'll Hate

Written By Leanne Yau

If you logically know that your old life doesn’t serve you or bring you joy, then what about it is still attractive to you? Is it familiarity, the approval, a fear of loneliness?

“Am I doing something wrong because everyone's telling me that I'm gonna die alone ” (for example).

There's some really powerful cultural narratives there. New habits only stick if you learn to enjoy the new habits and you learn to enjoy your new life. So find ways to invest into yourself and your life as it is now.

I think it's okay to have doubt, to be attracted to the familiarity and perceived safety of monogamy and the relationship escalator. As long as you know that you're just thinking these things and you don't necessarily have to do anything about them. Your thoughts are not your actions.

A follower asked me: “Any advice on how to stay true to your new path when the old ways are so tempting?”

If everyone in your life is invalidating your identity and telling you that you’re making the wrong decision; of course you would feel tempted to go back to a life where you are getting societally approved validation on how you love. Even if you internally know that isn’t what you want.

I often see this in clients who are going through a particularly challenging time in polyamory when they start doubting whether this is worth all the stigma they are getting. Of course, there are some people who decide it really isn’t worth it and go back to monogamy, and that is fine, but I also want to remind you that your new life doesn’t have to be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time to be worth living ❤️

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Leanne Yau
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