Poly Doubters are Hypocritical

Written By Leanne Yau

Being polyamorous in your teens/20s:

  • "You'll grow out of it."

  • "It's just a phase."

  • "You don't know what true love feels like yet".

Being polyamorous in your 30s and above:

  • "Wait, why haven't you settled down with one person yet?"

  • "When are you going to start acting your age?"

  • "You're going to die alone."

I’m 27 years old and have been actively non-monogamous since I was 17. When I was younger, a lot of people just assumed that I was casually dating and messing around like most people in their teens and early 20s. I still got a lot of stigma for being proudly polyamorous, but most people just assumed it was a phase I would grow out of eventually.

But now that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20, I’m starting to get questions about why I haven’t settled down and started making the relationship escalator my life goal - which I find super interesting! I’m sure as I get older, I’ll get even more comments about it - especially as I don’t plan on getting married or having kids.

Polyamorous people are generally seen as more irresponsible and immature just for loving multiple people. In reality, it takes a lot of emotional maturity to manage multiple relationship relationships at once. Also, not that “acting your age” should even matter, but the steps that you choose to take or not take in your life do not determine how “grown-up” you are!

Have you noticed a difference in the comments that you get about being polyamorous depending on your age? How has it changed over time, if you’ve been polyamorous for a while?

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Leanne Yau
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