Is My Relationship Agreement Hierarchical Or Not?
Instead of stressing about whether an agreement is “hierarchical” or “non-hierarchical”, ask yourself these questions instead:
How, and to what extent, would this agreement you made with a partner impact other connections?
In what ways might it limit the depth or flexibility of your other relationships, or the type of connections you can seek out?
How do you feel about your answers to these questions?
A friend recently told me that they see hierarchy/non-hierarchy not as something you are, but a value that you aspire towards. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has circumstances or entanglements that may prevent them from achieving absolute non-hierarchy in a mononormative world that inherently prioritises hierarchical and romantic relationships.
I found this to be a much more compassionate and realistic approach than demonising hierarchy as a whole. How do you feel about your relationship agreements?
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