A Breakup Isn’t Failure
A relationship that ends is not always a failed relationship. A relationship that stays intact even when everyone is miserable has arguably failed more than one that broke up because they recognised their incompatibilities and let each other go before more resentment grew.
Breaking up is sometimes the most loving act you can do for a partner, and what best guarantees happiness for everyone long-term.
Have you ever felt compelled to stay in a bad polyamorous relationship because you were afraid that if you broke up, people would invalidate your experience by blaming the breakup on polyamory itself? Or, have you ever stayed in connection with someone that you were incompatible with because you felt you "should" deescalate and stay friends rather than have a clean break?
I've been there and I'm here to tell you that it's okay to just break up without needing to maintain a friendship. If that is something that feels good to do, or if you simply don't want to put in the work to make the transition from lovers to friends.
Breakups are not an indication of failure, and relationship length does not guarantee success or happiness. There is great strength in recognising when a connection has run its course and knowing when to change things or to stop. You are not bad at polyamory for ending a relationship. Change is hard, but with the right support you will get through to the other side.
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