You and Your Metamour are Entitled to Your Boundaries
You are allowed to have a boundary where you won't date someone unless you get explicit confirmation from their other partner(s) that they're genuinely polyamorous and not cheating.
However, your potential metamour is also allowed to have a boundary of not wanting to interact with you in any capacity, for any reason.
Neither of you are wrong for wanting to protect your peace. It just means you're incompatible.
It's okay to have different boundaries but sometimes boundaries rub up against each other and you need to figure out what that means for y'all. That's okay.
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