Advice I'd Give on Polyamory if I Wasn't Afraid of Hurting Your Feelings

I’ve been non-monogamous since 2016, and educating on it full-time since 2020. I’m not usually this direct, but based on what I’ve seen, here is my most brutally honest advice:

1. Stop expecting your relationship to stay the same if you’re opening up from monogamy, and be emotionally prepared for the possibility that your relationship might end.
   Opening up from long-term monogamy does work out for some, but at the end of the day, you’re introducing a MASSIVE change to your relationship that is going to cause a lot of emotional difficulty. Not everyone will want to sign up to putting in the effort to make that transition. Also, even if your partner IS on board, not every couple that was compatible in monogamy will be compatible in non-monogamy - you might grow apart and want different things from your journeys. Embracing your authentic desires means potentially letting go of people who are no longer aligned - so if polyamory is the only way forward for happiness, you have to be prepared to make sacrifices and move on from your past.

2. Stop biting off more than you can chew in dating. Be discerning and don’t date multiple people just for the sake of it. I get that everything is new and exciting and you want to enjoy your freedom, but it’s better to start slow. Instead of going on ALL THE DATES and connecting with more people than you can realistically sustain.
   Remember you have time, you’re in no rush, and the last thing you want is to be overwhelmed, burnt out, and disappointing multiple people at the same time when you’re still figuring stuff out.

3. Stop expecting perfection from yourself and your partners. You’re human and allowed to make mistakes, as long as you learn and grow from them. Learn to work through conflict instead of doing everything you can to avoid it and pretend everything is fine. You will just make it worse for yourself if you don’t. Have the hard conversations sooner rather than later.

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