Your Metamour Is Not “The Other Woman”
The idea of "The Other Woman" also exists in polyamory. If you refuse to see your partner as capable of fault, it's VERY easy to blindly shift blame onto someone you don't know as well (i.e. a metamour) rather than see your partner in a different light and consider what it means for your relationship.
Of course, metamours can be shitty too, but more often than not, your partner is the problem, not the person they're dating. Don't villainise an innocent person just because you're in denial.
Good hinging (i.e. being the person in the middle connected to multiple partners) is not a skill we are taught under mononormativity. So it's unsurprising that a lot of the problems I deal with in my work with clients are related to partners not being good hinges. In my opinion, 99% of metamour problems are actually partner problems - and even in situations where it is actually a metamour problem, the person whose responsibility it is to manage that is your partner.
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