Why Discussing Polyamory In A Monogamous Relationship is not Cheating
If you think about it, saying “if my partner asks me for an open relationship, that's cheating" is not that dissimilar from saying “if my partner realises they're gay, that's cheating".
Both are statements which don't actually encourage your partner to feel safe to be honest with you. And therefore fail to actually protect you from dating someone you aren't compatible with, because you can't even have a conversation about your differences!
"My boundary is that I do not want to be in a polyamorous/non-monogamous relationship - I would feel cheated on in that scenario" is 100% fair. But unfortunately, a lot of people don't do that - their position is more like "my boundary is that I will not entertain any discussions about relationship styles that are not monogamy - that would be cheating".
And so I ask: how is having an honest conversation cheating?
Having conversations about your preferred relationship style, or proposing changes to the relationship, are absolutely uncomfortable and/or upsetting. However, if you feel that your partner bringing up opening up the relationship is cheating in and of itself, then you're potentially setting yourself up for a relationship where your partner cannot be honest with you, or cannot talk to you about changes they want to make.
Being in a relationship requires having hard conversations - even ones you don't want to have, and even ones that might lead to the relationship ending. And that still doesn't mean that having those conversations are cheating.
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
