Stop Using Polyamory To ‘Quiet Quit’ Your Relationships

Written By Leanne Yau

Are you using polyamory to quiet quit your relationship?

Don't get me wrong. I think there are many valid reasons why someone might want to open up their relationship, but one of the reasons that I don't think is so advisable is opening up because you are too scared to break up with your partner. And it's not fun to talk about because it makes the polyamorous community look bad.

But I'm not interested in appeasing monogamous people by refusing to talk about these things at the polyamorous community's expense. I understand the reasoning behind why someone might do that. If you have multiple partners, then you never need to end a bad relationship, but that's kind of shitty to the other people you're bringing into the dynamic. If your relationship is going really badly, other people can tell and it affects them as well.

So if you want to be a responsible non-monogamist, end relationships that need to be ended, rather than keeping them around just because you don't have to technically break up with them because you can have multiple people around.

Also, there's a big difference between a relationship that isn't meeting certain needs but is otherwise fulfilling and satisfying, and a relationship that is straight up bad. And I can't tell you how to tell the difference. That's something you need to decide for yourself.

Unfortunately many polyamorous relationships don’t start with the purest of intentions. There’s a difference between realising you’re incompatible in the process of opening your relationship, and knowing from the outset that you are opening up the relationship to find someone else to be monogamous with.

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Leanne Yau
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