Stop Retreating To Monogamy For Safety
Retreating to monogamy whenever you experience a difficult emotion is not going to make you any better at navigating non-monogamy - it just makes you more scared of doing it, and reinforces a false feeling of safety.
Just to be CRYSTAL CLEAR, I'm not saying you CAN'T go back to monogamy if you don't think you can do non-monogamy, or if you are in such a crisis that it would be dangerous to continue. You ultimately are in control of your own life and I'm not here to tell you what is right or wrong. What I AM saying is that opening and closing the relationship *repeatedly* as a way to avoid working on your insecurities is not a sustainable way to open up a relationship. If you always stop before you get to the other side, how will you know what the other side is like, or how "scary" it really is?
In my peer support sessions, I've worked with plenty of singles, couples, and polycules who are opening up or trying non-monogamy for the first time and encounter issues, who are scared to continue but ultimately know that it will serve them better in the long run. Working THROUGH issues rather than running away from them will increase your confidence with dealing with similar things in the future. Ultimately, everyone needs the tools to navigate non-monogamy effectively, and you can't learn that by retreating back to monogamy to feel safe. Hard truth.
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
