Just Because You Love Your Partner, It Doesn’t Mean Others Will
Hard truth: just because you like your partner, it doesn’t mean other people will. Don’t assume that just because someone is into you, that they will be into your partner - or vice versa!
If you intend on dating as a couple, you need to take this into consideration because people don’t see you as one unit, they see you as two separate people. If you date together, that significantly limits the people that you can see because there are way fewer people who are going to be compatible with both of you at the same time, and even fewer who will stay that way once you get to know each other better. Not to mention, you create a power dynamic in the relationship if there is an expectation that someone needs to date both of you or neither of you. And many people who are new to non-monogamy fail to see it from the third person’s perspective which creates some of the biggest conflicts that I’ve seen.
This is why I often encourage separate dating, so that each individual has full autonomy over their dating lives without having to be limited by their partner’s tastes or other people’s tastes in their partner, so people can engage with you as individuals, and so you and your partner can develop more independence that will serve you well for long-term polyamory.
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
