Unconditional Love Can be Problematic

Written By Leanne Yau

Unpopular opinion: breaking up should always be an option - no matter how much you love them, no matter how long you've been together, and no matter what entanglements, financially or otherwise, you have together. Unconditional love between adults should not exist.

I already know some of you will disagree with me but this is a hill I will die on. Unconditional love is for adult-to-child relationships, not adult-to-adult. Unconditional love in adult-to-adult relationships may sound great while things are going well, but when they're going badly, can lead to porous boundaries, unmet needs, co-dependency, and a host of other issues if the folks in it refuse to leave. I strongly believe in everyone's right to end a relationship that isn't serving them no matter what has happened up until that point - I don't think you're owed someone a relationship just because of your history, or the uncertain future potential of the connection, if the fact is that you are incompatible right now.

HOWEVER - I think it depends also on what you mean by unconditional love!! Some people define it more specifically - you could unconditionally love someone, but love them from afar by breaking up with them because your relationship no longer serves you as individuals. As I've said lots of times before, loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. Loving yourself always comes first. So, in that scenario, under that specific definition of unconditional love, it can exist healthily between adults as long as loving doesn't mean staying together.

If you found this article helpful, consider the following:

Leanne Yau
Previous

Too Many Eggs For One Basket?
Next

Just Because You Love Your Partner, It Doesn’t Mean Others Will