In Polyamory, It’s Okay To Ask For More
Friendly reminder that it's okay to want more time with your partner or to ask for regular dates, and being polyamorous doesn't change that. You’re allowed to decide what frequency or regularity works for you in your dating life. It’s your journey, and you get to decide how it looks and what kinds of people you want to spend that time with. Not everyone can sustain a partnership where you only see each other infrequently or inconsistently. It’s okay if that’s not for you, in ANY relationship style.
The reality of dating and relationships in general is that some people won’t have the capacity to meet what you’re looking for. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong to want those things, but it does mean you won’t be compatible. I get it's disappointing, but sometimes it is what it is.
It’s okay to be sad about logistical incompatibilities in dating and wonder what could have been if someone didn’t have kids, or wasn’t miles away, or didn't have a controlling partner limiting their time, or who wouldn't only see you when they’re not busy with other people.
You can make requests for change, but understand people are allowed to say no to your requests. Take the time to feel your feelings, and accept that ultimately, it's your responsibility to accept if there is an incompatibility and find people you are actually aligned with.
Polyamory doesn’t mean you should change or lower your standards or expectations. You don’t have to put up with things that simply don’t meet your needs just because you know that someone has other partners. You can be compassionate passionate and understanding towards people who really want to date you but don’t have enough time/energy, AND kindly but firmly set boundaries and acknowledge that that isn’t what you’re looking for.
Non-monogamous dating is all about nuance. Polyamory means you can have more fluidity and flexibility in your relationships AND it’s okay to have standards for yourself on how you want your relationships to look and feel. Someone’s way of doing polyamory could be completely valid AND it could be incompatible with yours. Someone’s time/energy levels could be completely understandable and explainable AND not enough for you or what you’re looking for.
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