Hot Take: Kitchen Table Polyamory Isn’t the Best Structure for Everyone!
Non-monogamous relationships, like any other relationships, are nuanced. What works for one person may not work for another. Different people can make the same agreement with completely different motivations, which may lead to different results.
I have a preference for KTP, but have experience with all types of polycule structures and metamour closeness levels. Most of the time, there is no universal truth about what is right and wrong in polyamory. I think there are certain things that are generally best advised to avoid doing, and certain things that are riskier than others (check my website FAQ). But in general, I believe in everyone’s capacity to make their own decisions, as well as their own mistakes, and to learn from them accordingly.
I care a lot more about WHY and HOW you’re doing something, rather than WHAT you’re doing specifically. I’m not here to shame anyone, because I don’t think shaming people is a good way to motivate them to change. Instead, I try and approach with curiosity and understanding, and leave my judgements at the door.
Obviously I’m not afraid to make observations about potentially problematic behaviour, and I do have opinions. But even then, I share information knowing that people are ultimately going to do what they want to do, even if I wouldn’t personally do the same. It’s about harm reduction. That’s why I don’t believe in preaching “One Correct Way” or a “Most Ethical Way” to do polyamory - my perspective is just one of many, and also, I’m not your parent.
Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t. Be discerning with the information that you consume. Formulate your own opinions, don’t just parrot someone else’s. Polyamory is a choose your own adventure story, so carve out your own individual path for yourself and the people that you love.
And remember - just because someone claims to be an “expert”, that does not mean they are the “expert” on YOU.
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