Stop Taking Things Personally In Polyamory
The best thing you can do for your non-monogamous journey is learn not to take things personally - especially when it comes to what your partner is doing with other people.
For example: your partner feeling attraction to someone else is literally just that. It doesn't have to say anything about their level of attraction to you, your value as a person, or the strength of your connection.
If your partner is into someone who looks or acts differently from you, it doesn't have to mean that person is their "real" type; your partner can be attracted to different people for different reasons.
And if your partner is into someone who looks or acts similarly to you, it doesn't have to mean that person is a "better" version of you; your partner just knows what they like, and more importantly, you are each more than just the sum of your personality traits or physical features.
If your partner seems more excited about someone else in a way that they aren't with you, it doesn't have to mean that your relationship is doomed, and you can introduce novelty and passion in your relationship in your own unique way without directly comparing it to a brand new connection with a whole other person who isn't you. New relationships often feel very different from established ones, so it's like comparing apples to oranges.
If your partner is connecting with someone else in a different way from how they did with you, it doesn't have to mean your connection isn't valuable to them. Sometimes it's just that they're dating a different person who is going to vibe with them in a different way, because that person is bringing out a different facet of their personality. It doesn't diminish your worth or make you deficient.
If your partner is breaking up with someone and is going through some big feelings about it in a way that is affecting your relationship, it doesn't have to mean that they don't care about you. They're hurting and people often don't operate at full capacity when they're grieving, so if they're withdrawing or showing up in a different way, it doesn't have to say anything about you or your relationship.
Learning to separate your partner's feelings about other people from how they feel about you is going to save you a lot of stress in non-monogamy. Obviously, your partner's other relationships will inevitably affect your partner's capacity and emotional state just like anything else (work, family, friends, etc) would, but ultimately it's more productive to focus on YOUR relationship and what you can do to strengthen and maintain it, rather than worrying about what they're doing with others.
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