My Journey to Overcoming Internalised Biphobia
In 2016, I started identifying as bi, and I have been dating across the gender spectrum since 2017. But, it took nearly a decade for me to develop security in my bisexuality, and for me to feel genuinely confident in my attraction to all genders. Let me explain...
Just like some women internalised misogyny and some POC internalised racism, I struggled with internalised biphobia and homophobia. In addition to dealing with "gay=bad", I also grappled with specifically biphobic ideas like, "Bisexuals are just confused, slutty, and/or untrustworthy traitors because they can't choose a side."
Being a bi femme in a world that sees gender and sexuality as binary, objectifies women, and fetishises sapphic attraction means I have constantly doubted myself over the years: am I really bisexual, or am I just the attention-seeking, straight sex object people think I am?
Bisexuals face double discrimination from both straight and gay folks, not fully fitting in either community. To be "straight-passing" is not always a privilege - it can be a tool for erasure and invisibility. Multiple studies show bisexuals receive less support, face more intimate partner violence, are less likely to come out, and have worse mental health than gay and lesbian people. (Google it!)
Because I can have more than one partner, people are less likely to assume my sexuality based on my partner's gender. Despite this, I struggled to let go of bad relationships for fear of no longer having "proof" that I was "really" bi and polyamorous which was shitty for all involved. I was trapped by my own queer insecurities for years.
It wasn't until 2024 that I properly internalised that no number of partners will affirm or validate my sexuality if I don't believe in myself. So, I chose to believe I know myself best. I let go of the need to prove my sexuality to others, or try and seek approval from those who couldn't or refused to truly know me. I decided they were no longer my responsibility.
Over time, I gained confidence in my bisexuality through seeking out secure bisexual and bi-affirming people and experiences. I'm grateful to have curated my own bisexual community, and to have multiple people in my life who understand what it's like to feel attraction beyond gender.
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