Not Every Polyamorous Community Is Safe

Ever joined a polyamorous “community” and then noticed a charismatic and very obvious ringleader everyone is trying to impress, and who can do no wrong?

Yikes.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about any group in particular… I’m just making the observation that not every community is a safe one, and that you shouldn’t automatically trust a group of people just because they share the same identity or relationship style as you.

There are groups that protect abusers and silence victims - some that are even run by predators who ingratiate themselves with newbies who don’t know any better. There are groups that prioritise dogma over discourse. There are groups that are not trauma or consent informed. The list goes on.

And of course, this isn’t exclusive to the polyamorous community - but when someone feels isolated or marginalised in some way, they are more likely to be preyed upon by people looking to take advantage. There are some wonderful polyamorous communities out there but you just need to find them, vet them, and keep an eye out. Be safe out there.

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Lily Allen, Lindy West, And The Sensationalisation of “Bad Polyamory”