7 Polyamory Opinions I Disagree With, And Why

Everyone is entitled to their opinion… but these are just a few I fundamentally disagree with.

1. "You should NEVER feel jealous in polyamory."

2. "Kitchen table polyamory is the best way for everyone."

3. "Your partner's feelings aren't your responsibility, so you can do whatever."

4. "Polyamorous people who enjoy casual or group sex give the rest of us a bad name."

5. "Living with your partner means there is hierarchy."

6. "All cheaters should just be polyamorous."

7. "It is ALWAYS okay to cancel a date if your partner is struggling."

Here’s my explanations for why -

1. Jealousy is just an emotion and there’s nothing wrong with experiencing it - it’s what you do with it and learn from it that is more important

2. Not everyone vibes with their partner’s partners and that is OKAY. As long as everyone is giving each other space for their relationships to thrive, there’s nothing wrong with more parallel relationships.

3. Your partner’s emotions aren’t your responsibility, true, but you should still consider their feelings when acting. That doesn’t mean doing everything you can to avoid their discomfort at your own expense, but factoring them into your decision making is just part of being a decent and responsible person.

4. You don’t need to pander to purist ideals of sexuality and hurt your own community to get monogamous people to like and accept you. We are all allowed to enjoy pleasure in whatever consensual way we choose.

5. Nesting does come with practical considerations that affect non-nesting partners, but it does not mean that there is an inherent hierarchy, which is when there is an unequal power dynamic giving some partners control over other relationships.

6. Cheating happens in all relationships, and can happen for a variety of reasons - it’s not black and white.

7. This is nuanced and should be considered on a case by case basis, taking in the feelings of everyone involved, including the person you’re on a date with.

What are some opinions you’ve seen in the polyamorous community that make you go “WTF”?

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