What Bisexual Really Means - And No, It’s Not What You Think
PSA: the "bi" in "bisexual" does not mean "attraction to both men and women". It means "both homosexual and heterosexual" -attraction to your own gender and OTHER genders.
“Why do you identify as bisexual instead of pansexual?” and “How can you be agender and acknowledge gender is a spectrum, while also identifying as bisexual?” are two questions I get a lot. So let’s do a bit of education, shall we?
The idea that “bi” enforces the gender binary is a fundamental misunderstanding of queer history and the origins of bisexuality as a term. If you read queer texts and history, “bi” is for both homosexual and heterosexual attraction, i.e. attraction to your own gender, and other gender(s). OTHER, not “opposite” - Google the etymology of the root “hetero”. So yes it’s “two”, but not two genders - two types of attraction, which can be inclusive of all genders but not always.
Bisexuality is a sexuality that INCLUDES trans and non-binary people. I am a bisexual agender person who dates across the entire gender spectrum. Not all bisexuals are attracted to all genders, but I am, and we are all bisexual - just different types of bisexual.
Basically, in the same way that not all non-monogamous people are polyamorous but all polyamorous people are non-monogamous, not all bisexuals are pansexual but all pansexuals are bisexual.
I prefer to use bi instead of pan, because it is the term that most people understand and because I know it is inclusive of attraction that is beyond gender. Also; pan is sometimes characterised as
“gender blind attraction”, whereas for me l know gender plays a factor in how my attraction manifests, so it is not technically gender blind for me, even though I am attracted to all genders.
Bisexuality is not transphobic or non-binary-phobic. Cut that narrative out and learn your queer history.
The Bisexual Manifesto (1990) states: “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have "two" sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders.”
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
