What’s New: August 2025
💥 NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP: Polyamory for People Pleasers 💥
Do you struggle to advocate for your boundaries, make your needs/desires a priority, tolerate disappointment/distress from others, and have hard conversations? You may be a people pleaser - which is extremely common, but can be especially harmful in polyamorous dynamics. This is why I've teamed up with licensed therapist Heidi Savell (of Steady Polyamory) for a 2-hour workshop and Q&A all about it! We will cover:
the attachment theory and parts work behind people-pleasing, and how it developed as a survival strategy for many people in childhood
how people-pleasing intersects with couple privilege, and how it can result in behaviour that disenfranchises non-privileged/non-coupled partners
how to hold on to your capacity for kindness, patience, and empathy, while standing up for your own needs
and on top of this, we will share personal anecdotes, mistakes we've made, and hard-earned lessons from our own polyamorous journeys.
ALL TICKET HOLDERS WILL GET A RECORDING, so even if you can't make the date, you won't miss out on anything. Concession tickets are available for low-income folks - just message one of us for a code!
🗣️ HOW MUCH SHOULD I TELL MY PARTNER? 🗣️
What information can you share with your partner about other connections, and what information is reasonable to ask for? How can you decide how to share information with respect for people's need for privacy without keeping secrets? My latest long-form video is all about disclosure boundaries, where I go in detail about various situations you may run into in non-monogamy and how to deal with them. This half-hour deep-dive is exclusively available on Patreon!
📺 POLYAMORY IN THE MEDIA 📺
I was featured in a video essay by queer Youtube creator Rowan Ellis on the problems with current media representations of polyamory. I only appeared for a couple minutes in her video, but the clips were actually taken from an hour-long interview/discussion...and Rowan's given me permission to share the whole thing with you all! There are many juicy topics, not just about media representations of polyamory and its impact on society, but also:
how polyamory is simultaneously viewed as 'immature' but also not 'family friendly'
how the ace/aro community and the polyamorous community are fighting for the same things under amatonormativity
why some queer people feel that marriage equality was a step back, not a step forward, for queer rights
why some queer people hate polyamorous people
It was an incredibly interesting and joyful conversation, and I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed the chat.
👫 GENDER AND NON-MONOGAMY 👫
How does your gender impact your experience of non-monogamy? In this voice note, I talk about how harmful gender stereotypes are perpetuated both within and outside of the non-monogamous community - the idea that men are “naturally polyamorous”, sexist assumptions about women that infantilise them and their sexuality, how queer women/femmes are fetishised while queer men are not accepted in swinger spaces, and what I like to call the Chad-cuck dichotomy.
♿️ POLYAMORY AND DISABILITY ♿️
Did you know that I do a patron-exclusive Q&A on the 15th of every month? In July, I covered various topics including:
How do I deal with losing friends after coming out as polyamorous?
What if me and my partner have different visions for how we want non-monogamy to work...or whether we even want non-monogamy at all?
I am my recently disabled partner's caretaker - how do we navigate polyamory without resentment?
From £3/month, you can access this Q&A and the archive, as well as the 36 public Q&As I did on my Instagram with every 5,000 new followers I reached!
💬 MEDIA APPEARANCES 💬
I was interviewed on the Love-ly Podcast by Immigrantly, which covers the intersection between sex, relationships, and the immigrant experience. I am what is known as a "third culture kid" - my cultural values do not conform to any particular country, as I have been influenced by more than one. As someone who was born in the UK, grew up in Hong Kong, then immigrated alone to the UK at 16 where I have been for over a decade, I've internalised the values that make the most sense to me as opposed to exclusively Eastern or Western perspectives. Listen to hear about what my non-monogamous relationships looked like then and now!
Also, I’ll be speaking at Wilderness Festival and We Out Here Festival on relationship anarchy - it’s a tad late for tickets, but my plan is to record the talks to be released on my YouTube at a later date!
🤗 NEED SUPPORT? 🤗
If you need emotional support, advice, resources, or just a space to vent about all things non-monogamy, don't hesitate to reach out through my peer support service.
