Rejection Isn’t An Insult - It’s Respect.
I've noticed that people are more fearful of rejection (whether giving it or receiving it) than we used to be. Personally, I find it more insulting if someone leads me on by saying they're "not ready for a relationship right now" and making me think they might be in the future, compared to if they were just straight up with me about not seeing me that way so I wouldn't waste my time. I think leaving people hanging is rude, and clearly communicating is basic courtesy. I blame the majority of this on dating apps and how they've taught us to view people as disposable options, not whole human beings with feelings.
I want to normalise politely rejecting your dates rather than ghosting them, giving mixed messages, or saying you’re not ready for a relationship when that isn’t the truth. It’s okay to say “I didn’t feel a spark but I wish you the best” and not elaborate further. Your dates will appreciate your honesty and respect for them as a person.
I got some backlash when I posted this initially, from people (usually women) who didn't feel comfortable taking the risk of rejecting their dates (usually men) for fear of a negative reaction. I want to stress that this post is not about that, and that fear is completely understandable - however, I do want to make the point that handling a mildly uncomfortable conversation and witnessing someone's disappointment from the rejection, is different from actually fearing for your life. So yeah, this does not apply if you find yourself in a situation where you genuinely feel that the other person would handle the rejection in a way that would cause danger to you - and how you measure that is up to you. Your safety comes first, obviously.
On the other side - being rejected by someone means that the other person trusts you to be able to handle a no. That doesn't change that it might be disappointing, but view the communication as an affirming statement about their respect for your character, not an insult. If you don't create a safe space for people to say 'no' to you, you will quickly come across as a danger to others.
*
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
