Disclosure Boundary Tip: Ask Closed Questions
If you're unsure about how much you want to know about your partner's other connections, and you want to kind of test where your boundaries are, I recommend asking closed questions as opposed to open questions.
Closed questions are usually yes or no questions so you can control the amount of information that you're getting. Open questions leave your partner to elaborate on various things that you might not be comfortable hearing, or might not be ready to hear, or might not even want to hear or need to hear.
But it's also important to examine your motivations behind asking a closed question. I think a closed question like “did you have sex?” makes sense. But “are her boobs bigger than mine?” might not be a great question to ask, because who does that serve? Why are you asking that?
Are you asking the right questions? It can sometimes be difficult to figure out how much to share or how much you want to hear. While I am always committed to showing how a polyamorous life can work through my public content, there are some private details and stories I prefer to keep for those I know are truly invested in directly supporting me.
My latest patron-exclusive video, “Disclosure Boundaries, Trust, and Feeling Blindsided”, delves into why it’s important to make agreements on what to tell each other and how much, to protect the privacy of everyone involved while also maintaining security in your relationship.
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
