Compersion Isn’t The Opposite of Jealousy

Compersion is the feeling of empathetic, vicarious joy that some non-monogamous people feel when they see a partner being happy with someone else. It is not necessary to experience it as part of healthy polyamorous practice - many people are perfectly at ease with polyamory and never experience compersion! - but it is certainly a nice perk when it happens.

Compersion is often billed as the “opposite of jealousy”, but in reality, both can be experienced at the same time. I often tell my clients that rather than thinking of them as existing on a spectrum with jealousy on one end and compersion on the other, think of two separate spectrums of high-to-low jealousy and high-to-low compersion.

Polyamory often involves holding lots of complex, nuanced emotions at the same time - experiencing the rush of new love while going through a breakup in another dynamic, feeling down about your dating prospects while celebrating a partner’s success, being motivated and excited about non-monogamy while also feeling nervous and scared about the change. This is why emotional awareness is essential to sustainable relationships, so that you don’t drown in your feelings, learn to process them effectively, and communicate with your partners about how to support them or be supported by them, rather than repressing, shaming, or self-abandoning.

To learn more about emotional awareness in non-monogamy, I’m excited to announce my brand new workshop, Feel Your Feelings, which explores this from a somatic lens with the incomparable Mel of Radical Relating. We will be focusing on the primary emotions of fear, sadness, and anger (which is where a lot of jealousy is often rooted in) and how to handle the myriad ways they show up in non-monogamy without shame, judgment, or guilt - and with it, what compersion can look like for you!

Curious? Get your tickets - or, if you’re reading this by the time the workshop is over, you can always find the recording (and my other workshops) in my Patreon shop.