Emotions Running High? Here Are 5 Phrases To Defuse The Tension In Polyamory

Written By Leanne Yau

When you're experiencing challenging emotions in polyamory, here are some phrases you can use to defuse the tension and stay in connection, rather than escalating into further conflict: 

"I know what I've shared with you was really difficult for you to hear, but I want to reassure you that I still love and care about you. I appreciate you for listening and I want you to know it matters to me." 

"I'm having big feelings right now, but it doesn't mean I blame you or that I think you did anything wrong. I'm sharing this with you because I want to let you in on my inner experience, not because I'm trying to attack you or stop you from doing what you're doing. I love you." 

"I'm not setting a boundary because I'm trying to punish you. I'm setting a boundary because it is what I need to feel safe in this connection. I appreciate you for respecting and considering my feelings, and caring about our relationship. I love you and hope we can work together to find a way for everyone's needs to be met." 

"I need a bit of space to process my feelings. I'm not abandoning or rejecting you, I still love you, but right now I don't want to say something I don't mean or will regret later so I'm going to take a little break. This is what I need to continue this conversation in a productive way, and I promise to come back when I feel ready. Thank you for your patience with me." 

"I feel so angry/upset/disappointed/sad right now, but I just need some time for the feelings to pass and I won't hold them against you. We don't need to fix everything right now, but I would really value your presence while I sit with my emotions. I still love you and we will be okay."

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Leanne Yau
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