You Get To Decide Your Metamour Relationships
I've tried kitchen table polyamory. I've tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.
Not everyone is going to agree with me on this one, but I don't believe that my metamours and I have to be besties to have a functional polycule. I've had metamours I've treated as family, I've had metamours I've seen at the occasional event, and I've had metamours that I know of but have personally never met. It really depends on the person and what kind of dynamic we want to form with each other. I personally don't feel comfortable with a partner in the middle trying to dictate what that should look like.
You do not have to meet your metamours. If you do not want to. Full stop.
You get to decide what kind of relationship you want with your metamours which includes no relationship at all. If you're in a relationship where your partner is trying to get you to meet your metamour before you're ready, is being kind of being really pushy about it, demanding that you’re friends, that you have sex with them etc, run the fuck away!
You get to decide! Your relationship with your metamours something that is co-created. Something I say a lot is sometimes your boundaries are not wrong. They are just incompatible with your partners, and that is okay.
Metamour connections are best when they are formed without coercion and with the full autonomy of everyone involved. Personally, I lean more towards garden/birthday party polyamory - I don’t need all my partners to hang out with each other on a regular basis. However I think it’s nice to occasionally share space and socialise on special occasions. You should do what feels right for you!
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