Honesty in Relationships
A relationship built on honesty is not simply about being honest with each other, but also creating a safe space for your partner to be honest with you and have hard conversations.
Some people aren't going to like this one...but honesty in relationships is a two-way street. Before you accuse your partner of not doing or saying something, examine whether you created the space for them to do that in the first place.
If you can't handle your partner showing up to you with truth and vulnerability without attacking them, shutting down their words, invalidating their feelings, or getting defensive, you and your partner have equal responsibilities to each other to work on that. Yes, there are people who are just straight up dishonest, but sometimes people are avoidant or dishonest in relationships because their partners are unable/unwilling to handle their honesty with grace and compassion, and are then surprised that they struggle to be truthful because they feel unsafe.
When I work with people who have cheated in polyamory, I’m less interested in making them feel worse than they already do, and more interested in what was going on prior to the cheating that drove them to do what they did. What I find, more often than not, is that the cheating was a symptom of a wider issue - some can be resolved, others are a fundamental incompatibility.
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