Why Attraction To Others Isn’t Cheating
Attraction to others while in a relationship is normal, expected, and not cheating in itself, and I'm tired of pretending it isn't a super common thing that happens. You can't control your partner's thoughts and feelings - it's down to them whether they want to act on those feelings or not.
Your security within a relationship doesn’t depend on how successfully you can prevent other people from being close to your partner (or punish your partner for having close connections). It depends on how much you trust your partner to respect your relationship agreements and make decisions you feel are aligned with shared desires.
If you know your partner firmly wants to be monogamous, then it doesn't matter how many other people hit on them or how many polyamorous people exist around them. If you don't trust your partner, or you suspect they want something different from you, then that's a bigger conversation to have within your relationship, not with the people they happen to be in contact with.
Most people experience attraction to others while in a relationship, even in monogamous relationships - and that can be scary to think about, but the solution is to learn to trust your partner that they will honour your relationship agreements. You can't police each other's thoughts, but you can make agreements around taking or not taking certain actions to maintain whatever commitments you feel good about in your relationship. Beyond that, you have zero control over what your partner does. You only have control over what YOU do if your partner chooses to act in ways that don't feel good to you.
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