Mononormative Propaganda I’m Not Falling For

Written By Leanne Yau

Propaganda I’m not falling for:

  • romance is more important than friendship

  • the nuclear family

  • you must marry your partner to prove you love them

  • a relationship that ends is a failed relationship

  • monogamy is the only safe and stable way to love

Relationships, love, and commitment are defined by YOU and the person or people you’re with.

To me, commitment and love is trusting and communicating, making promises and following through, caring about their wellbeing, being invested in their joy and happiness, showing up for them in times of need. And guess what? None of that actually requires monogamy, and you can also have commitment in non-romantic relationships.

The fact that the term “significant other” exists as a term for partner suggests that other relationships are inherently less significant. Instead, I feel we would be happier if we started valuing our friendships and other connections as significant in different ways.

Relationship anarchy is a life philosophy I align with on a deep level. It grants me a level of flexibility and freedom with my connections to authentically express myself with my lovers and friends. It also means I’m no longer trapping myself in connections that I don’t feel good about because of the history we share or because of what we’ve built together. I can let myself change and evolve as a person over time, and find people who align with me at different stages of my life, as well as continue to commit long-term to people who grow and change along with me and continue to share my values and outlook.

Once I freed myself from the expectations of society and monogamy, I became so much happier, more content, more in touch with myself. And I believe it’s possible for you too.

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Leanne Yau
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