Why Saying “Trans People Are The Best of Both Worlds” Is Problematic

Written By Leanne Yau

Dear bi/pansexuals, I know you THINK you're being trans-affirming when you say things like "As a bi/pansexual, I love pre-op trans women because they've got the best of both worlds". But as a non-binary bisexual, let me tell you why that statement is actually WILDLY transphobic.

The idea that trans women have "the best of both worlds" is a bio-essentialist statement that assumes certain body parts have an inherent gender. The "both worlds" you are referring to are men and women, and therefore, you are automatically categorising penises as belonging to the "male world", and breasts as belonging to the "female world". Trans women who have a penis and breasts do not have "parts from the male and female worlds" - they simply have a penis and breasts. 

Saying that you're attracted to trans people because you're attracted to more than one gender implies that you view trans people as inherently possessing "multiple genders" in one body. Trans women are women, and trans men are men. They are not a third gender or "between" genders. If a straight man is attracted to a trans woman, he is still straight. So as a bi/pansexual, if you're attracted to a trans woman, that just means you're attracted to a woman. It does not make you "more bi/pansexual". 

Saying you like trans women because they have both a penis and breasts is inherently objectifying and fetishistic. Reducing someone to their body parts dehumanises them. Trans women are human beings and women who deserve to be seen as more than the body parts they possess. Additionally, not all trans women have a penis and breasts. By fetishising trans women in this way, you are implying that trans women who don't have these parts, or who don't want what they have, are less worthy of desire. 

People who desire a penis on a trans woman often want to be penetrated by them - but this assumes what activities she is comfortable doing in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, penetration is great for some, but not all trans women want to use their penis (and some literally can't). Many prefer to use a strap, or simply don't do penetrative sex (like many cis queer women). Penetrative sex is not an inherently "better" or more desirable act to do in bed. Many people, including trans women, don't like it. 

Fetishising penises and breasts on trans women also has the potential to make some trans men feel inadequate or isolated. Saying a penis is the "best" from the male "world" implies that having a penis is what makes you desirable as a man, and this can be upsetting for people who don't have one but may want one. Just like trans women shouldn't be defined by having a penis, trans men should not be defined by not having one. By doing so, you are potentially directly contributing to their body and gender dysphoria. 

Trans bodies are beautiful, just like all bodies are beautiful. But trans bodies are also extremely diverse. Trans people are not defined by their bodies or body parts, and their body parts do not have an inherent gender. Therefore, making a sweeping statement about your attraction to trans women or trans people as a group based on body parts they may or may not even have is transphobic. If you want to be a trans ally, do better 🏳️‍⚧️ 

Describing trans people as "pre-" or "post-op" is also offensive to some trans people. Many trans people opt not to have surgery, are comfortable with their bodies as they are, and do not see their bodies as "pre-" or "before" anything. Some people say "non-op" instead of "pre", but I have chosen instead to just be specific about the trans people I am referring to in this post and say "people with [insert body part]".

This Pride Month, as trans rights are increasingly important and under threat, let's all do better to be mindful of our language around trans people and their bodies 🏳️‍⚧️ I am non-binary (specifically agender) and do not personally identify as trans - I know some non-binary people do, I just personally don't resonate with the label for myself - but to my trans followers, being a trans ally is a value I always aim and aspire towards in my work, whether on social media or with my 1-1 trans/non-binary/gender-non-conforming peer support clients. Polyamory is a beautiful way to build found family and community, which is why many trans people have historically gravitated towards this relationship style to find acceptance and love as their authentic selves.

Also, bisexuality does not exclude trans people - this is a biphobic misconception. The "bi" in "bisexual" is not attraction to men and women, but for the two TYPES of attraction, homosexual and heterosexual i.e. genders like your own, and genders that are different to your own (the prefix "hetero-" is translated to "other" or "different", NOT "opposite"), which may or may not include all genders. Bisexuality does NOT reinforce the gender binary - it proves that attraction is not binary. And pansexuality is NOT “better” than bisexuality.

Trans people are the gender they say they are, so if my attraction includes women, it includes all women, cis or trans. So while I personally am technically both bisexual and pansexual (which is attraction to all regardless of gender), not all bisexuals are pansexual. You can be attracted to genders that are the same and different to your own, without necessarily being attracted to all genders. But I personally identify specifically as bi because:

a) I want to prove you can be bi and trans or trans-affirming to push against the misconception

b) It’s the label that I came across first as a teen and I don’t want to change it because it still fits me

c) The bi flag looks better in my opinion. Sue me.

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Leanne Yau
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