Polyamory Won’t Save You From Misogyny
Hard truth: polyamory won’t save you from misogyny.
Even though polyamory does generally champion progressive values and offer women a lot more sexual/romantic autonomy and freedom, we are still living in a society imbued with hetero normativity and the patriarchy. Which means that such behaviour will still show up in sneaky ways in supposedly progressive spaces:
The bi-misogyny of unicorn hunting
Men using their female partners to do all the emotional labour of maintaining the polycule, and
Polyamorous communities that protect SAers/abusers and silence victims
When I’m working with clients, I can’t help but notice the ways in which this frequently shows up. Women dealing with men who are using polyamory to justify abusive behaviour. A man causing a fight between his two female partners because he didn’t know how to take responsibility for his own actions and emotions. A woman who lost her entire polycule because they decided to side with her charismatic rapist who was a well-known pillar of their shared community and shut her out. I hold space for their frustration, their anger, their grief, and sometimes rage, not just to the people who did this to them but also the system we live under that perpetuates and enables things like this.
I don’t have a silver bullet or magic pill that will solve everything, but I’m just saying this to make everyone aware that we need to constantly be checking our privilege and biases. Don’t get complacent about your values or the values of those around you, and check to see if people’s words are matching their actions.
If you found this article helpful, consider the following:
Book a peer support session with me for further guidance and support on your non-monogamous journey
Support me on Patreon and access exclusive posts and perks
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter to stay updated about new resources, workshops and events
Follow me on other social channels - I’m at @polyphiliablog, everywhere.
