Your Partner’s Jealousy Is Not A Personal Attack
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy or insecurity over the things that you're doing with other people is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love you, that they don't accept what you're doing, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".
Stop making assumptions when your partner says "I'm jealous". Not every feeling requires something to be done about it. Maybe your partner is telling you they feel jealous because they just want a little hug or some reassurance, not because they're trying to control you. Maybe they're telling you because they just wanted you to be aware of their emotional state, and not because they're trying to make you feel ashamed. Maybe they're telling you because they feel safe to be vulnerable with you, not because they're trying to tell you to drop everything right now and stop doing whatever you're doing.
Practice asking a very simple question: "What do you need right now?"
And depending on your answer, you can then go, "Yes, I'll do that," or you can set a boundary and go, "No, I don't think I can do that for you. But how would you feel if I did this other thing instead - would that help?" and discuss further.
Communication, communication, communication!
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